I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
