I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
