I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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