And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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