I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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