i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
