the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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