just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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