i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize