i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
