Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
