Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
