I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize