I smell stomach acid.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
