these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
