The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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