So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
