I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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