How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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