I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Pants are for mortals
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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