Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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