I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize