Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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