4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the day after is always just damage control
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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