was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
