Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
