I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
