I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
