So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
