You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
