Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
this hospital has no fireball
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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