I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
