Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi