He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.