I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?