I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
