After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.