I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
