You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.