I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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