Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.

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  (609): i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th. http://tfl.nu/t2dt
  Replies (18) Good night (2473) Bad night (905)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.

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  (503): I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt. http://tfl.nu/4dkg
  Replies (33) Good night (3568) Bad night (955)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...

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  (616): I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one... http://tfl.nu/uf1v
  Replies (16) Good night (698) Bad night (5194)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!

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  (248): I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there! http://tfl.nu/8urv
  Replies (14) Good night (2518) Bad night (3578)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls

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  (205): So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls http://tfl.nu/yvx9
  Replies (7) Good night (3212) Bad night (1166)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.

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  (847): Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed. http://tfl.nu/5sxg
  Replies (14) Good night (663) Bad night (4836)
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  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

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  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (10061) Bad night (1423)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby

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  (203): all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby http://tfl.nu/jjj6
  Replies (18) Good night (1668) Bad night (5205)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.

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  (610): I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible. http://tfl.nu/74be
  Replies (9) Good night (4261) Bad night (951)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.

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  (614): I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out. http://tfl.nu/60nc
  Replies (12) Good night (1390) Bad night (4404)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments

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  (602): i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments http://tfl.nu/teyj
  Replies (8) Good night (2508) Bad night (978)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.

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  (801): I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine. http://tfl.nu/flen
  Replies (6) Good night (3652) Bad night (845)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass

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  (903): I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass http://tfl.nu/h4q0
  Replies (10) Good night (3343) Bad night (790)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...

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  (850): I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away... http://tfl.nu/luji
  Replies (3) Good night (1311) Bad night (395)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.

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  (815): HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK. http://tfl.nu/waoa
  Replies (1) Good night (176) Bad night (410)

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