Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"