he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm at about main and main street
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.