a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity