He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
