bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
no, he came in my armpit
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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