Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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