I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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