whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
