I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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