I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
