You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize