The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
