It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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