she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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