Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
