Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry midwestz_best hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me

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(205): View more from Alabama

Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year

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(609): View more from New Jersey

it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.

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(805): View more from California

Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!

(910): View more from North Carolina

I THINK I SHARTED

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(425): View more from Washington

I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.

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