:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
