tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
