That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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