he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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