Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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