I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
