my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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