wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....