My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
