Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
4 words: hood of his car
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
