I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
