it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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