whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
