I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Green mimosas i think yes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
