You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
