I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
