I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
