Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
