Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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