Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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