i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
