I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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