Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
