i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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