is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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