We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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