Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
