she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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