You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if only i could text you this smell
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
