Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
