I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
