I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
