either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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