Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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