I wish I could teleport
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
