I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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