The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
