There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
